I am warning you now, that this is a LONG one. There is a lot on my mind as it has been a tough couple of weeks.
It's been a while. And not because I had nothing to say or show. Can you believe that I have been so busy that I just now uploaded photos on my camera taken back on September 27th? That is just so unusual for me!
For the past 4 1/2 weeks, I have had kids on fall break. That, in part, explains the craziness. First Laynee had 2 1/2 weeks of fall break. I fealt kinda bad because she spent the majority or her break at the big kids' school doing volunteer work with me. Then the day she went back to school, was the first day of the big kids' 2 week fall break. We spent the first week going to dr and dental appointments. In that one week we had 2 doctor and 5 dental appointments. I was feeling bad......but we had a secret plan.
Ever since May, we have been planning to take the kids to Legoland. Our plan was kinda challenged when we found out that the kids didn't have fall break at the same time. But we figured out a way and were getting so darn excited for the trip. We couldn't wait to surprise the kids! But instead, we were the ones that got the surprise! And it wasn;t the good kind of surprise :(
It started on Tuesday. I was reading to the kids and I had this terrible feeling come over me. The only way I can explain it, is that it felt like a huge weight on me. I suddenly felt dizzy, sick to my stomach, and exhasuted. The kids ran and got Scott. He assumed I was having a reaction to my no sugar atkins diet. So he forced fed me some apple juice and put me to bed. And we didn't think much more of it.
I had a super busy day on Thursday. I took kids to 4 dentist appointments, an orthodontist appointment, the library, Target, grocery shopping, and soccer practice. As I was sitting at soccer, I got this terrible deja vu like sensation. It was not the typical deja vu that everyone has from time to time. It was so intense that I got sick to my stomach again. I told Scott about it and he kinda thought I was a weirdo. Truth be told, so did I!
That night, Scott was at work and I was sound asleep with the kids. The next bits I don't remember but have been told. Sometime around 2 AM I woke up. I remember feeling extremly wet and trying very hard to get a hold of Scott. (I am not sure why. Must have felt something else.) I texted him twise. Both texts were just series of meaningless letters. But for whatever reason, Scott never got them. At 2:15, I managed to call him (hey making a phone call on a Droid is no easy task!). Scott says that I sounded terrified and that I was talking but nothing I said made any sense. I was completly replacing all my words. He called 911.
I am sure I am remembering this wrong, but I swear the emergency crews were at my door in a matter of moments. I can't remember who I was talking to on the phone (and I know Scott has told me a number of times. Maybe the 911 operator???) but I remember being told "open the door!" And there were tons of men and a stretcher. That was at about 2:30am. I don't remember anything else until about 5pm. So the rest is what I have been told.....
I was taken by ambulance to Mercy Gilbert Hospital. (The firemen stayed with my kids until my mother in law could get there. Awwwwww) Scott met me at the hospital. I think he actually beat me there. Minutes after I got to the ED, Scott watched as I had a full blown seizure. I have never seen a seizure before, but he said it was terrible to watch and so the nurse had him leave. After he left the room, I had a second full blown seizure.
After this point, I was drugged up, sent for a catscan, an MRI and an EEG. I spent the next couple of nights in ICU.
Scott says that I would wake up, ask a few questions, fall back to sleep, and then wake up again and ask the exact same questions. I had no memory.
At some point the neurologist came to give us the news..........I have Epilepsy. Huh?!!! I don't know what that is, but I don't want it!!!!
I have now been out of the hospital for a week. I am in much better shape as demonstrated by my ability to type this blog entry at all. But so much has changed. First, I don't feel well!!! I am taking 2 different medicines to controll my seizures and they have terrible side effects! The one that irritates me the very most is that I have lost lots of my short term memory! Now I have always had the BEST memory of anyone so this is hard to get used to! I ask Scott the same questions over and over. I am pretty sure that we have just had about 2 conversations since I have gotten home. It's just we have them about 50 times each, every day!
The other side effect that is frusterating is anxiety. I guess these medicines controll seizures by actually slowing down some of my brain function. (I know. Go ahead and make jokes. They don't get old! Especially since I won't remember them tomorrow!) So when I go into places with lots of people and stimulation such as the grocery store or church, I just about shut down. I have trouble speaking and breathing. I get dizzy and get headaches. Then I start getting upset about how I feel, which in turn makes the symptoms worse! It's a nasty cycle that Scott tell me will get easier once my body gets used to the meds.
On top of all this: I am not sleeping, I am grumpy and short tempered, and I am emotional! Don't I sound like a joy to be around?!
Oh, and did I mention that I am not allowed to drive until I have gone 3 months without a seizure?!!! Every time I think about it, I feel sick!!!! I have to get my kids to school and home, dance, piano, boy scouts, girl scouts, soccer, and their plethora of doctor appointments. Plus I have to get myself to my school, MOPS, bible study, the grocery store, and all my volunteer work. How am I gonna do that?!!!! I am having to cut stuff out. And it SUCKS!!!! (I know that isn't PC, but I have to tell it like it is.) It's hard to explain to the kids! So then I feel stressed and guilty which really mixes well with anxious and emotional!
So today, I had no choice but to drop out of my very last class of school. I was 3 weeks from being done. But I just can't do it. I can't remember things, I get easily overwhelmed, and I have no ride. I have cried over this so many times I can't begin to count.
I get asked, how I got this. Honestly, we don't know. It is possible that I have had it since I got Meningitis at the age of 10 days. After learning the signs, we were able to recognize other times I probably seized (including a time while driving a little over a year ago, where I also got to take an ambulance ride.) The doctors will do more tests to see if they can find the more exact cause. They do know that it is not being caused by strokes or by a tumor. So that is the silver lining.
So now I am trying (and failing) to take it one day at a time. I have been told I will feel better soon. And in 3 months I can drive. That's not long, right?
Thanks to my husband. He is trying so hard to be patient and understanding. I don't think he could understand exactly how I feel, but he comes the closest. Probably because I tell him over and over!
Prayers are appreciated.
I wonder if anyone is still reading. Oh well. Just another family story that will be documented even if it isn't the kind that will be remembered fondly. It's still the begining of an adventure.